James and the Cold Gun Saturday, November 22, 2008

How about that, I'm back.

This blog took a field trip into the big city last night to catch up with an old friend. Two, actually: a long-suffering editor and James Bond. The editor has all the familiar gripes, and Bond is still burning about stuff that happened two years ago in the last movie. The new one isn't a tenth as good as that one. The editing is terrible--everything shot in choppy close-ups--and there isn't even a pretension toward story. For instance, we don't get a flashback to the last film, so Bond just comes roaring out of the gate, shooting people for reasons you sort of get (but it clearly doesn't matter if you do). Judi Dench, meanwhile, is swell as M, but also does inexplicable things: Why is she helping Bond now? And why isn't she anymore?

The transitions between scenes are largely hilarious. At one point, we get two minutes of CSI gibberish about how the money in some dead guy's wallet had microfibers from some other guy who just cleared customs etc. etc. For Chrissakes, just say: Bond, go to Haiti, and get it over with. Nobody in the studio or the audience seems to care if you come up with something plausible, so why bother?

Some small touches were nice. The song is pretty good; I'd even say it's got the most street cred of any since Live and Let Die. It would've gotten bonus points for actually using the title. Even Duran Duran pulled off that one. The title sequence was also pretty fun. But both of those positives get undercut by one mystifying negative: The classic theme doesn't show up until the closing credits. I just don't get it. That two minutes of music is worth at least a half hour of audience goodwill, and you bury it till the end? You really think David Arnold is doing something better with his anonymous score?

Even the trailers were embarrassing. John Cleese has signed on to embarrass his geriatric ass in the new Pink Panther movie. Even worse, my life model has a bit part; is this the best he can get these days? The Bond people couldn't throw him a bone?

And the Star Trek preview just made me miserable. Yes, I'll be there opening day; I'm not made of stone. But the whole thing looks like Clone Wars, from the what-just-happened graphics to the cluttered story to the blank-eyed youngsters. Free advice: Reboots only work when the original stunk.

@ 6:32:00 AM,

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